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A Year Outside of the Classroom: Chapter 30 (Final Chapter)- Headed back to the Classroom...

Here we are, at the end of my gap year. This is it.

It's surreal to read that statement.

This morning, I will be headed to my first medical school lecture. As nervous as I am, I am hungry to learn, to feel my mind grow more and more enriched each day.

Most importantly, I am ready to take the next step to mold myself into the physician I aspire to be. And an integral part of this process is the school I attend.

So for this final chapter, here's a little story:

In February 2016, as I was walking across campus in the chilly, fall weather, I received an email notification from the Medical College of Wisconsin. My breath stopped for a second, and I stopped walking suddenly, startling whoever was behind me. My cold fingers opened the email and I read,

"Unfortunately, we are unable to consider your application..."

January 2016 was when I began to panic about the possibility of a gap year and began to feel my hope sinking. This school was one of the last ones I was waiting to hear a response from, and since it was my top school, I believed this email was the last straw for holding onto any remaining hope.

I spiraled into a cycle of doubt, anger, sadness, and hopelessness. Lots and lots of hopelessness. If you have ever wanted something so badly, you probably understand this pain. All I could think was I did everything for this, and it is not paying off. Perhaps Allah doesn't love me. Maybe I'm not meant for this. 

And thus began the contemplation of my career, the beginning of a sinking depression, lots of agitation, and avoidance of thinking about anything related to medicine. Until fate brought me to a physician whom I met in the middle of this trying time, and thus began the process of learning to truly love medicine and love the journey.

Did you read that?

Love. The. Journey.

Fast forward to over a year later from that February day, and I received my interview and acceptance from this same school.

Did rejection hurt?

Hurt is not the adequate word to describe it.

But you know what's even better?

Getting accepted to a school that I had to actually cry, sweat, and bleed to get into.

Not only that, but I had to learn that Allah does love me. He loves us all. He loves me so much that He was not going to send me to any random school far from my family. I just had to work harder for what He wrote for me.

So as I end this series and end this gap year, I want to leave you with one message: Love the journey.

I am not the same person I was when I began this blog. And I love rereading where I was, what changes I went through, and how my heart grew with each day I struggled.

Accept each challenge and realize that yes, it will be hard. But I am here to tell you that it will be more than worth it, thanks to God.

And with that, I bid this year farewell, and I thank you for following me and reading about my journey. May you find inspiration from this year, from my struggles, my honesty, and the hope.

I hope will you follow me as I begin the next series regarding my journey in medical school.

Peace and love.
-Manar

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